Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Post National Novel Writing Months

“On November 1, participants begin working towards the goal of writing a 50,000-word novel by 11:59 on November 30. Valuing enthusiasm, determination, and a deadline, NaNoWriMo is for anyone who has ever thought of writing a novel.”
-National Novel Writing Month Website

By now you are almost through November, NaNoWriMo. Congratulations! With victory in your sights, you may already be planning for life after 12:01 on December 1. Perhaps it’s a spending spree with that big advance. Maybe it’s more traditional post-novel writing pursuits, including drunkenness and bickering. 

Either way, you have lots more unfulfilled dreams. We at NaNoWriMo are here to help. Keep these in mind – and keep going!

December is National Symphony Writing Month. There are 135,000 notes in a typical symphony, which means you should set a daily goal of 4355 notes. Beginners often find themes like “What Happens When We Die?” help, but the key thing is determination. If you’re a “Walking Dead” fan, compose a symphony on surviving and murdering during a zombie holocaust. Don’t worry if the woodwind section doesn’t resolve, or get hung up on what you’ll wear to the gala – the most important thing is to keep going!

January is National Equestrian Statue Sculpting Month. Even if you have only carved fluted columns, heroic busts, or exterior friezes, everyone has inside themselves a larger than life military statue. Tune in to our Webinars to help you carve with confidence. Give yourself a goal of 18,000 chips a day, and stick to it. Declare your intentions, including which historic figure you are commemorating astride a magnificent stallion, on Twitter as reinforcement.

February is National Fundamental Physics Researching Month. Set a goal of reaching further back to the moment of creation by 300 nanoseconds a day. Prepare ahead with the right tools, including a high-energy particle accelerator with a tunnel 27 kilometers (17 miles) in circumference. Keep neighbors abreast of any discoveries on dark matter or new superstring dimensions -- they could be your biggest support group! Supercompute, supercompute, supercomputer!

March is National Lost Civilization Discovering Month. Check Google Maps for unusual mounds, earthworks, or disturbances in jungle canopies. Collect machetes and contract porters. Deploy high-altitude lasers and study fragments of runes for clues. Create a profile on social media. Do not specify which forgotten kingdom you seek – competition has can be unfortunately fierce, particularly in the latter half of the month. You’ll want to be excavating on site by week three, so prepare all necessary inoculations and bribes well in advance.

                                 Note: Artist Reconstruction. Actual size of sharks may vary. 

 April is National Pathbreaking Critical Theorist Month. Set a goal of 200 socially-constructed shibboleths a day. Question your own motivations, in the context of ritualistic sexual behavior in the playlists on the Acela quiet car. Become polysexual. If you are already polysexual, become celibate. Load up on official badges and banners. Moodiness is a great reinforcement. Don’t worry if at mid-month you are still comprehensible. Keep going!

May is National Republican Candidate for President Month.  At present this event is oversubscribed.

June is National Nascar Driving Month. Get inspired with late-night whiskey runs, drag races on packed sand, and impromptu duels at traffic lights. Set a goal of gaining 25 sponsors a day. Place their stickers and logos on your clothing daily as reinforcement. Flaubert claimed to spend an entire morning driving Madame Bovary on one qualifying lap, and the afternoon crossing her out. You do not have his luxury. Pedal to the metal! 

July is National Messiah Month. Decide right now that you have a unique and world-changing revelation from The Almighty. Tell everyone you can as reinforcement. We’ve prepared this tweet to help get you started. Print out and sign this agreement to deliver mankind from millennia of sin and confusion. Rock your apocalyptic intentions with t-shirts for your trusted followers. Share your story with the hashtag #endtimes. 

August is National Political Donation Bundler Month. Stuck for people you can tap for candidate donations of $2300 in a primary? Check out our pep talks from well-known bundlers who started out just like you, and have spent years of obscuring the democratic process. Check out our sponsors, who offer discounts on hall rentals, stretch limousines, and lobbyists. 

September is National Conquer Moscow In a Forced March Month. At 1550 miles from Paris (arrive early for shopping and brioche!), you’ll need to cover about 60 miles a day to have enough time to capture the Kremlin. Fortunately, the kids are back at school, and many districts have resources for child care in the afternoons. Amass an army of 500,000 souls ahead of time. Keep everyone up to date on Pinterest. Take mittens -- others have sometimes run over plan.

October is National Meteorite Catching Month. Decide right now that an ancient mass of primordial elements is headed your way. Set a goal of objects hurtling towards our planet from the frozen depths of space at upwards of 50 kilometers a second. Repurpose March’s earthmoving equipment to construct berms, trenches and other catchments. 

November is National Writing Month, Again. For God's sake, make sure you have something to say. 

No comments: